New Photography Project for 2011

I was totally lost for ideas for my final year project for photography. I started to panick because I'm a total retard and have spent the last 3 months doing nothing for photography. My idea went from the 'Anonymous' to 'Identity'. But these ideas make me so confused and I really think I lack the ability to bring out such important topics. Ha yes no faith in my ability. I am pretty bad at photography, I think I am anyway and when I see everybody else's work that I know and I just want to slit my throat with a spoon. It's so aggravating feeling useless and completely untalented.
I've decided to persevere with the photography till the end of next year, only because I have to, but instead of worrying about how shitey my photos look, I'm going to throw paint on them instead. Ever since I started mucking around with photography I really enjoyed Arnulf Rainer's work, he's a weird little Austrian man who is slightly bat shit and into surreal things and I really like that about him. His photographs aren't fantastic but they speak to me and I really think instead of creating something that will probably come out looking like a turd whatever happens I might as well paint over it. Plus this means using black and white film. Ahhh I like this....

Deep Sea Space

Two places I always hold dear to my heart is my love of the deep sea and outer space. Two places that need exploring, two places were all my dreams begin... 

I really have no photos to show or anything to discuss of major importance. I'm currently bogged down with the flu, my energy is low and my heart is too. I now sit up reading books and watching period dramas. I enjoy it all for what it is worth. 

Tomorrow I'm going to start science fiction essay and begin a photography project I was meant to do 3 months ago.

Wish me luck...

Makes me feel so alive. Thanks Tom :)

Cutting Ties

Seems like I'm not feeling the full effect of my numbness anymore, but I feel everything with a huge distane and I feel completely out of control of what is happening in front of me. 

I want to be in a place where I no longer remember the hurt or the pain, I want to be away dreaming softly where I hear a soft humming and whisper of a companion, a place where I am forgiven and cherished and loved... surrounded by cats on a ship sailing far far away.

I'm sorry and I love you. I don't think time heals all wounds this winter...