Redwood

Tomorrow I leave for Stoke, I'm currently packing my bag and finding I have no room for my booties or my creepers or my docs or my nikes. But I mean how many pairs of shoes am I going to need for 4 days? Plenty as I am an indecisive madame.
I'm feeling really really guilty about the lack of work I have attempted. I'm sitting with a few photocopied texts hoping my mind will just focus,  alas I am a lazy bum and listening to new State of Mind - Next Level pod-cast and staring into space instead.
Found this cool little semi fish eye lens in my house today but doesn't fit any of my cameras. I think I own like 6 cameras now, not that I use them much. So searched for an adapter and found one really cheap, which always means it won't work/will break.
Ordered 'Looking for Alaska' as I have been recommended it for longer than I care to remember and ordered a few films I've been dying to see 

Glass Door

I took this photo last night out of my parents bedroom on the 3rd floor of our house. The sky was pretty dreamy. I'm going to try and post more often, but more importantly I got to crack on with this dissertation.
I woke up feeling pretty rotten from the weekend this morning, even though yesterday I felt fine. Turned out to be a good night,  I hardly saw  them in the end, people kept going in and out for smokes and my feet wrecked and back ached so I was sat further upstairs most of the night away from the crowd below. By 4:30 I was exhausted, couldn't find anyone apart from Beth who I told I was leaving soon and then Alex took me home.


University tomorrow to try and write up some notes and find some more books desperately needed.  Work this evening though, eurgh I really hate my crappy job. For now I'm going to watch a fuck load of early South Park episodes and hug my cat :)

LonerLoser

I don't mean to whine...but I've felt like a complete loner for the past two weeks. I'm into the new year and this is probably going to be the loneliest year ever. I look at my phone and there's about 2 people that text me ever. I go from spending my silly little life on that whack website -Facebook, to drastically deactivating it when it winds me up to no end, then getting bored and reactivating it - to no surprise realising once again everyone is a dick. I get depressed about it for like two minutes and then say fuck it and deactivate it again. It's as if I'm actively trying to make sure I don't have friends. Not even internet friends (foreveralone.jpg)


But what it comes down to it is the fact I'd rather not 'exist' at all to these people, than 'exist' in some internet form writing status' about how banal my life is. Give me a break, half the people on that bloody website couldn't give a shit, and most of them dislike me to some degree anyway, they just try not to for the convenience of having me as a 'friend'. The only retarded people that talk to me are people that want to get in my knickers. Frankly I'd rather die than have you try and touch my vagina. Thanks for the offer though, really, it boosts my horribly failed self esteem.
So now I'm listening to a fuck load of Enya, passing my time on Tumblr on a late Saturday afternoon, instead of spending it with friends...it seriously depresses me that I have literally no one to talk to or go on a night out with, I want to go to Scala to see Black Sun Empire play, but to be honest the idea of going there with a bunch of people who really can't stand me sounds horrific. I thought about wearing a pink wig and a yellow dress and going with a tramp I found on the street so at least if I went, no one would ignore me or walk off and make me feel like the smallest person in the world; unless the tramp did... and maybe a pink wig and a dress isn't the correct attire for a rave and I will be spotted immediately and look like a complete nincompoop. 


What I want to know is, why am I able to make so many enemies.? cos I'm pretty fucking gnarly at it. 
How did I manage to get everything so incredibly wrong?
I guess being a social retard helps, but I'm sure I'm being constantly called a bitch behind my back. I hate going out to my local pub now for the fear of anyone listening to me have a conversation with anyone will immediately think, fucking stupid bitch in their head, meanwhile I'm standing there trying not to sweat buckets.


I guess I have to rise above it, find some new friends and just get the fuck out. I desperately need to get away from all of this I can't bare it any more. 

Above is Kitler getting in the way of some very important coursework lolololooolol and part of my bookshelf. Gay.

Peep hole, Peach blow, Pandora, Pompadour, Pale leaf, Pink sweet, Persephone

I took this photo one evening last year, I was fed up with my appearance, my lifestyle and my inability to create incredible photographs. I feel ridiculous sometimes for thinking such things, when I really am blessed with such wonderful gifts. As it is the new year and all, I've decided to lay down a few resolutions; a few little rules and things to boost my spirits when I'm feeling down and to perhaps make my relationships stronger with the people I still want to keep in my life.

- Work hard, put your studies before everything else in terms of how you spend the next few months. You finish university this year, prove to yourself you can achieve and happiness will follow.

- Don't lie because you think it will protect others, be honest about your feelings, you will spare them the pain in the end. This includes keeping to your words and the promises you make people.

- Give up more of your time for others and thank them for giving up there's.

Not many but I think they are vital in improving how I see myself and how other view me.
I really want to take care of my cat better too, she's going to be 11 this year the age I was when I got her. She's a bit ill and I think its because she's a bit mental really. I love her to bits though.


Important dates:


10th Jan - MS3000 Introduction/Chapter 1 Draft
13th Jan - MSM3406 Coursework 2: Beyond Science Fiction Deadline
14th Jan - DV3000 Photography Proposal/Research Deadline
7th Feb - MS3000 Chapter 2 Draft
25 Feb - Tattoo at New Wave Tattoo at 2:30pm
7th March - MS3000 Chapter 3 Draft
11th March - Finishing of Tattoo at New Wave Tattoo at 1:30pm
11th April - MS3000 Finalising of Dissertation
23rd May  - MS3000 Dissertation Deadline
Listening to: Ivo - Cocteau Twins