Monday, 29 March 2010

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.

I have lots of plans for this coming week. To start with I think I'm seeing Ponyo On A Cliff By The Sea at the Prince Charles Theatre, it seems to be the only cinema playing this movie, I missed my chance last week...
Then its writing a review and making my puppet for my new blog, lots of photo taking of laundrettes and recordings of the washing machines and editing them on Photoshop with the help of Tom...and perhaps making a small film. Also getting my tattoo booked, and then getting my nose pierced and changing my hair colour. The things that make me have confidence and build up my inner strength...I suppose thats sad really.

I got paid on Friday and I've hardly spent any of it, I have no reason to, its nice watching my money build up. I've saved lots of credit too, no more late night phone calls or Msn or Skype conversations, now I sleep better...with the help of alcohol...Shame I still feel lonely as hell. But everyday has its ups and downs. I can't keep waiting around for things to happen, I have to get off my bum and make it happen...I'm wondering where my passionate side went, Tom said I'm hardly like how I used to be anymore. He said he misses my childlike innocence the way I get excited about stuff and how passionate I can become, I feel like its slipping through my fingers. But maybe its because I feel I have no one anymore to express it to or maybe I just can't get excited in the same way. This sounds depressing but I feel like part of me is dead now. Getting my head stuck in my imaginary world seems to be the only thing pulling me through.

I found out today a friend from sixth form, Jack has come out of his coma after the tragedy on new years day, I have no idea of the other details, except for the discovery of Chelsea's death last night after her brain surgery. My heart goes out to her and her family. God knows how Jack will take all of this the loss of two of his close friends, we have dealt with the loss of Carrie for months, to be hit with this all in one go is devastating and frankly heartbreaking. I really don't know what to say, its all a big shock and has brought back a lot of emotions, especially remembering Carrie and everything, it's rather hard to think. And none of what I'm saying feels enough. But I love you darling Carrie, and my heart goes to you Jack and most of all right now Chelsea and her family

When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
When the time comes to embrace for one long last while,
We can laugh about how time really flies,
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies,You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

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