Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Find out what you're afraid of and go live there

I don't know where to begin really. I haven't got heaps to say. I just felt like sitting down and speaking my mind for a while, get a few things off my chest.
I feel myself changing more and more everyday. I'm finally allowing myself to plan the future and not just live in the present, or mull over the past. Changing my lifestyle to better myself as a person. I'm really enjoying this 'me' time, being creative and being productive is getting me out of this mental rut. I suppose I have this blog to thank. It gives me great pride. I've been sleeping slightly better than I have done in weeks and I think things can really only get better.
I was teary this morning, slightly weary...I just feel I am better off alone, for the time being anyway. Even around my friends I'm beginning to feel distant, but this doesn't bother me. I just don't get irritated in my own company, I'm not angry at anything I'm not confused and I'm not afraid. Around others I can sometimes feel more lost than ever, I hear myself speak and then I think to myself that I'd rather just read a book, or stare out of a window or pick up my camera and go for a walk. Sounds depressing, but it really isn't, not anymore. I just need a break, its all this constant drama. There isn't drama in my little room, or when I go out on little adventures. Sometimes I wish I could enjoy it with someone, but then I remember everything I've been through and my imagination just sounds so much better. I think about my future house, a tiny beach house with tall wooden bookcases filled with leather-bound books and the beautiful Rex and Siamese cats I'll own that will sit proudly on my huge cushions on my worn sofas. The constant smell of burning incense that will drift through each room of my open plan house, my big wooden oak tables, the big carpets that will lay over the dusty floorboards. The shelves filled with small statues and sculptures that I have collected on my travels, and I'll have a small rowing boat that I'll row out to sea on my own and I'll strip down and jump into the water and swim as deep as I can go, pretend I am a mermaid

I think about how I'll look, I'll have big dreads in my hair and I'll wear big woolly jumpers and big rings on my fingers and big boots on my feet.

I look forward to this so much, It will be my happy place after I explore the world.

The pictures above are of the beautiful trees along my road and of my soup...

Listening to: Fleetwood Mac - Dreams

I would just like the add this quote however.
"In this world, there are things you can only do alone, and things you can only do with somebody else. It's important to combine the two in just the right amount."
Haruki Murakami

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