I don't mean to whine...but I've felt like a complete loner for the past two weeks. I'm into the new year and this is probably going to be the loneliest year ever. I look at my phone and there's about 2 people that text me ever. I go from spending my silly little life on that whack website -Facebook, to drastically deactivating it when it winds me up to no end, then getting bored and reactivating it - to no surprise realising once again everyone is a dick. I get depressed about it for like two minutes and then say fuck it and deactivate it again. It's as if I'm actively trying to make sure I don't have friends. Not even internet friends (foreveralone.jpg)
But what it comes down to it is the fact I'd rather not 'exist' at all to these people, than 'exist' in some internet form writing status' about how banal my life is. Give me a break, half the people on that bloody website couldn't give a shit, and most of them dislike me to some degree anyway, they just try not to for the convenience of having me as a 'friend'. The only retarded people that talk to me are people that want to get in my knickers. Frankly I'd rather die than have you try and touch my vagina. Thanks for the offer though, really, it boosts my horribly failed self esteem.
So now I'm listening to a fuck load of Enya, passing my time on Tumblr on a late Saturday afternoon, instead of spending it with friends...it seriously depresses me that I have literally no one to talk to or go on a night out with, I want to go to Scala to see Black Sun Empire play, but to be honest the idea of going there with a bunch of people who really can't stand me sounds horrific. I thought about wearing a pink wig and a yellow dress and going with a tramp I found on the street so at least if I went, no one would ignore me or walk off and make me feel like the smallest person in the world; unless the tramp did... and maybe a pink wig and a dress isn't the correct attire for a rave and I will be spotted immediately and look like a complete nincompoop.
What I want to know is, why am I able to make so many enemies.? cos I'm pretty fucking gnarly at it.
How did I manage to get everything so incredibly wrong?
I guess being a social retard helps, but I'm sure I'm being constantly called a bitch behind my back. I hate going out to my local pub now for the fear of anyone listening to me have a conversation with anyone will immediately think, fucking stupid bitch in their head, meanwhile I'm standing there trying not to sweat buckets.
I guess I have to rise above it, find some new friends and just get the fuck out. I desperately need to get away from all of this I can't bare it any more.
Above is Kitler getting in the way of some very important coursework lolololooolol and part of my bookshelf. Gay.