New Photography Project for 2011

I was totally lost for ideas for my final year project for photography. I started to panick because I'm a total retard and have spent the last 3 months doing nothing for photography. My idea went from the 'Anonymous' to 'Identity'. But these ideas make me so confused and I really think I lack the ability to bring out such important topics. Ha yes no faith in my ability. I am pretty bad at photography, I think I am anyway and when I see everybody else's work that I know and I just want to slit my throat with a spoon. It's so aggravating feeling useless and completely untalented.
I've decided to persevere with the photography till the end of next year, only because I have to, but instead of worrying about how shitey my photos look, I'm going to throw paint on them instead. Ever since I started mucking around with photography I really enjoyed Arnulf Rainer's work, he's a weird little Austrian man who is slightly bat shit and into surreal things and I really like that about him. His photographs aren't fantastic but they speak to me and I really think instead of creating something that will probably come out looking like a turd whatever happens I might as well paint over it. Plus this means using black and white film. Ahhh I like this....

Deep Sea Space

Two places I always hold dear to my heart is my love of the deep sea and outer space. Two places that need exploring, two places were all my dreams begin... 

I really have no photos to show or anything to discuss of major importance. I'm currently bogged down with the flu, my energy is low and my heart is too. I now sit up reading books and watching period dramas. I enjoy it all for what it is worth. 

Tomorrow I'm going to start science fiction essay and begin a photography project I was meant to do 3 months ago.

Wish me luck...

Makes me feel so alive. Thanks Tom :)

Cutting Ties

Seems like I'm not feeling the full effect of my numbness anymore, but I feel everything with a huge distane and I feel completely out of control of what is happening in front of me. 

I want to be in a place where I no longer remember the hurt or the pain, I want to be away dreaming softly where I hear a soft humming and whisper of a companion, a place where I am forgiven and cherished and loved... surrounded by cats on a ship sailing far far away.

I'm sorry and I love you. I don't think time heals all wounds this winter...

-photos taken in Croatia in September at Outlook festival


Keep thinking about how much I cant wait for lectures to be over and coursework to be done. Thinking about my summer of nothing or possibly everything, saving up my dollar and escaping.


This weeks been yet another week of doing fuck all. I don't mind, I do it the best you see, but its sort of dis-hearting that once again I failed at pushing myself to get out the house and do something intelligent. I'm panicking about my final photography project as its just a complete mess in my brain, I'm not being inspired. I hate photography it just frustrates me as a medium, I can't get it right I'm never happy with the outcome. I prefer it if I can just read and analyse...this is where I see my future is at. Film historian. ahhhh I like these dreams.


Herp


Stoke on Sunday to see Alex, I'm excited to see him, even though he is a utter faggot.

Been thinking about finishing university a hell of a lot recently. I'm enjoying this year, don't get me wrong, but the idea of moving out and living a simple little life for a bit makes me feel good. I want to run a small bookshop by the sea, maybe just for a year or something. Then think about getting on my way to becoming something more, but the idea of having my own place surrounded by my kittens and my little Boston Terrier called Ellie, waking up to some sea air and opening a little bookshop just seems so perfect. I'm also thinking about the fact that maybe I'd like to be with someone by this time next year, I'm sick of feeling alone in this world.

In Ruins

Last night I went to see Baths and a few other artists play in Old Street. Wouldn't say it was my scene or my particular favourite type of music. But I fancied a few beers and ended up having a lot of fun none the less. Swayed to those beats, specially when he played In Ruins. I was happy.






this guy was crazy.